aequo animo
I have been recently discussing other options for my current situation with my sister.
I have a niece, a brilliant star who is a bit more special than us all, and has many kin. She has down’s syndrome. Or as my brother in law calls it “UP” syndrome, as there is nothing down about her.
In our state and in others, after 12 years old, there aren’t many places out there that will take kids her age or older for after school care. Well we called and within the central region of our state, there are not any places that take ‘any’ kids in after 12, as they believe most kids can manage well enough on their own at home, waiting on their parents, with no thought given to kids with special needs. Thus our conversation of getting one started for her and her peeps.
Well, in having these frank discussions with my wife and with my sister I have come to the conclusion if I did embark on helping with this adventure, as I have a bit of time on my hand, that I would be committing Corporate Suicide. As the months roll on, it will begin to get harder to get on with any new prospective employers, as there will be some mis-aligned stigma attached to me. “He seems bright, smart and has the experience, but why isn’t he working?”
So, if I take on this new adventure, to start an after school daycare, for “all” kids, not just those with special needs, it does not align anywhere on my resume to what I have been doing in the past, nor what I had hoped to be doing with my MBA.
My wife keeps saying, ‘but you have your MBA’, why would you do this? Work with kids? You don’t seem to even like kids?
I told her it was something to help my sister with and my niece and to possibly get some income coming in, but of course, at a cost of my professional experience taking a hit.
I would be working for myself, but….not necessarily in a lucrative business as whatever the business makes I would only be earning half of the income. So my wife would need to continue working full time, and that was not our plan. We would probably need to sell the house, get an apartment and scale back. We are ready to do that, but her thought to me is why quit?
I said I wasn’t quitting, she said aren’t you? You yourself said, this is Corporate Suicide. I found myself not believing that anything new was forthcoming for me, that this was really my only option to get income generated for us but she was right. I was giving up in some sense.
I feel time is slipping away from me and the longer I stay at home the longer it is that I am not contributing to my family, actually taking care of my family financially.
I went back online this past weekend and started applying to different positions again, across the US, willing to relocate myself if necessary.
I keep getting rejections from companies, those are the ones I at least know about, the others I don’t ever hear back from. The worst are “you are over qualified”, wouldn’t you want someone who is willing to take a paycut, who has the experience and is willing to move to be part of your organization on your team?
I can only attribute that to the hiring managers being fearful of my experience versus theirs?
So, at this point I can’t really help out my sister as if I did start working for her, and I got a decent six figure offer I would need to go back to work and would leave her kind of holding the bag as our plan is just for this to be her and myself. (you have to have a minimum of a Bachelors to be a owner/Director of facility, she is currently finishing hers up)
My fear is how long can my wife continue to take care of us? She said we are fine until the next year, but we can’t go on without a plan. I said I agree, we came to a point in time of 2014, first quarter. If things have not progressed for the positive, we will sell the house, get our savings back to where we had them originally and move on.
I keep looking upward, asking for an answer that I know is coming, I just wish it was here already. It is not like I don’t want to work, I want to contribute, I want to be allowed, to be the man I had always wanted to be. To take care of my Queen and my children and to do it in an honorable fashion.I have my good days and bad days, and I continue to pray.
I fight the urge to go down the dark path, into my black hole everyday and I am grateful for the blessings I have in my life today, and the ones I will have tomorrow.
I guess I am still looking for my maze.
watkuweis ~~ 